A Tale of Non-Service

A while back, Mammy went into a discount store with a list of items to purchase. As she perused the aisles, pickin’ up this item here and that one there, she came to the one that was the main reason for her trip. This item was on sale for a really good price and since Mammy epitomizes (word of the day) bargain shoppin’ (as a matter of fact, I believe she is used as a case study in the bargain shoppin’ 101 classes taught nationwide), this was to be the high point.

To her dismay, the store was completely out of that item. Not to worry readers, she knew just what to do. She would get a raincheck from the cashier and just pick it up another day when she was in the store.

However, upon requestin’ one, she was dutifully told that the computer was a’showin’ they still had one and that the cashier was required to go get it for the customer, thus savin’ the customer the hassle of havin' to return to the store with the raincheck. After all, they wanted their customers to know they cared.

Mammy said it was ok, she would just take the raincheck since she frequents that there store often enough. “No,” came the reply. “It is company policy.” The checker was soon a’scurryin’ down the aisle in search of the missin’ item.

After waitin’ several long minutes (You know, readin’ those stupid tabloid headlines , “Alien Babies Born To Woman Who Has Been in a Coma for Sixteen Years”, since there’s nothin’ else to do while you are trapped in the checkout line a’waitin’ for the missin’ checker to return.) for this excellent bit of customer service, the cashier returned empty-handed. Duh! Go figur, there really weren’t none there. Hmmmm, now what to do?

Mammy repeated she would gladly accept a raincheck for the item. The reply? “Sorry, but since the computer says we have one, I can’t run a raincheck through the system, it just won’t let me. I can take your name and number down and call you when I find it.” She never did hear from anyone at the store. I’ll remind you that the main reason for the trip was to get the great price on that item. Now, regardless that there twern’t one in the store, the “system” wouldn’t allow a raincheck, even though the company also has a policy that if they run out of any advertised item, they will give you a raincheck.

Moral of the story: If you’re a gonna implement a policy, ‘specially a customer service policy, make sure there is the ability to override the system in case some kind of unexpected glitch comes up. Customer service policies should be meant to improve a customer’s experience and entice ‘em to return to buy again, not alienate them and give them a desire to return with picket signs. I voted fer the picket signs.

There and Back Again - Whoops, Already Taken

Well, we just recently returned from a nice, but short, vacation in Coeur d'Alene (or as one daughter put it, Quarter Lane), ID, thanks to my fabulous company, Pacific Steel & Recyclin'. It was manager meetin' time and the Company puts up all the managers and their families in a nice resort for a few days. We had some meetin's of course but also plenty of play time.

I think the highlight for our girls was the day at Silverwood Theme Park where they got a small fillin' of roller coaster and other attraction ridin'. Unfortunately for me and the missus, we was both sick with the runs. Now, just imagine to yerself ridin' on one of them coasters or rides that goes round n' round. Then you git off and yer insides say to you, "git on over to the outhouse before you splat yer pants." And each time, what seems like gallons of smelly dirt-filled water comes a'jettin' out of yer be-hind.

You keep hopin' the other folks in there leave before you come out so as to avoid their stares as they wonder if you're just raisin' up from the dead, all pale and stinky.

Well, things continued through that night (which made for very little rest of already exhausted bodies), all the while we knew we was facin' a 5 hour drive home the next day. Both of us was prayin' hard that things would settle down so's we wouldn't hafta stop 20 times along the way.

Thankfully, our prayers was answered and we made it home with nary a problem. I have to say, I have never in all my born days had such an episode. I do feel like a disclaimer is needed though - even with all the squattin' and squirtin', the vacation was great thanks to good kids and a swell (gee whiz Wally) company.

BTW - if you've never found yerself in the vicinity of Coeur d'Alene, it's a beautiful place.

Late Mothers' Day

In view of Mothers' Day a couple of weeks ago, I thought I would share a moment when I waxed poetic. It doesn't happen very often so hopefully you'll enjoy.

Mother’s Wisdom

Years of toil
And work unknown
Create the figure
Of wisdom sown

Lines and edges
Properly grown
From raising legacies
Of her own.

And tho at times
The years weigh down
And memory fails
Producing a frown.

There’s still those words
Of calming peace
And encouragement
Given freely to each.

Advice tendered carefully
Tempered with love
Whispers of hope
From heav’n above.

Will always remain
As treasure to me
The picture of faith
I’d like to be.

The years will continue
To crease and define
In wisdom’s abode
My mother, divine.

Laughter’s The Best Medicine

We was a’watchin’ some homemade movies recently and the memries was just a laugh a minute. One in particlar showed one of ours when she was just a lil 4 year old playin’ soccer. She’d run around a’followin’ the pack not knowin’ much what to do. She stopped several times to pull up her socks – it was sorta a fettish for her at that age. Anyways, as we all laughed, I also was payin’ attention to the talk goin’ on between the siblings. I think they all enjoyed her looking silly but she just had to make sure they understood that they were worse than that. I hate to tell ya but most kids don’t know much about the mechanics o’ soccer when they’s only 4. So, to say anything about the others was just a waste o’ breath. Why she couldn’t just laugh like the rest o’ them did when they were shown a’doin’ silly things just beat me. Mammy and I have tried ta teach all our younguns to laugh at theirselves ‘cause it beats cryin’. Hopefully this one can learn that lesson sometime afore she gets out in the real world.

Deal, Or No Deal?

My momma always told me, “If’n ya cain’t say nuthin’ nice ‘bout someone, don’t be sayin’ nuthin’ atall.” Well, Momma, I’m sorry but I just have to speak up about this one.

As a marketer, I am quick to notice an exceptional ad or great customer service or, on the other side, an ineffective commercial or sales strategy. So, it should come as no surprise that I might write about a poor customer service experience I recently had. The surprisin’ thing to me is the offendin’ party – Amazon.com. Perhaps you’ve heard of them? The largest bookseller in the world and one of the Internet’s most powerful and successful companies.

One would think that to be so successful, they would offer the epitome of great service. Well, according to my sources, they started out that way. Then, somebody got too big fer their britches and decided to start makin’ decisions that only considered the immediate bottom line – anythin’ to save a dollar and look more brilliant to the thousands of shareholders.

Me and the missus was a’shoppin fer a new printer (Ok, she was doin’ most of the shoppin but I was foldin clothes and followin’ along.) Anyways, she finds this great deal on a printer we had already decided to purchase and low and behold, it was from Amazon.com. To top it off, there’s a deal sayin’ if we get the new Amazon.com VISA, we can get an additional $30 credit. Now, anytime someone waves that kind of cash in front of Mammy, they better let go right quick else she’ll tear their arm out of the socket from her jerkin’ it away fast as lighnin’. Her fingers fairly scorched the mouse button she was a’clickin’ so swiftly.

Once all the clickin’ was done, it appeared that somethin’ was just not right. While we had been approved for the new card, it wasn’t offered as a possible method of payment. So, we rang up Customer Service and were promptly put on hold for 40 minutes. It was late, nerves were frazzled, we thought it better to hang up and try again in the mornin’.

Mammy got things going early to avoid the rush. The problem was, the person on the other line was a’talkin’ with such a heavy accent, clear communication was purt near impossible. Talk to Amazon, talk to the credit card company, talk to Amazon – nothin’ was workin’. I was thinking we should have made a video conference call with subtitles so everybody could understand one another. Finally canceled the card and just placed the order with a card we already had.

I wrote Amazon an e-mail to express my displeasure about the long wait time and the foreign voice on the other end of the line and received the followin’ response:

“I'm sorry to hear that you had an unsatisfactory experience when you called us previously. Since our customers come from all over the world, it's helpful for us to have customer service centers in a variety of time zones throughout the world--so that someone is always available when a customer needs help.

Amazon.com currently has customer service centers in North America, Ireland, Germany, India, the Philippines, and Japan. In the United States specifically, we operate customer service centers in North Dakota, West Virginia, and Washington state. We also have co-
sourcing arrangements with companies located in North America, India, and the Philippines.”
No real answer to either of our concerns. If they have customer service centers in the US, then why did we get a very foreign voice each time we called? All to save a buck today at the expense of future sales. Tsk tsk. They may have made a deal this time but next time, for me, it’s No Deal.

Get a Real Life!

When I was a youngun, I got myself involved in the world of Dungeons & Dragons. I know, please don’t think bad of me, I’ve since seen the light and repented. J The reason I quit a’playin’ was because I began to see how caught up in this fantasy world a person could become and how it could influence the thinkin’ of those that played on a reglar basis. I don’t think there was anythin’ inherently wrong with the game, just that it allowed people to get lost, so to speak.

Today, there exists a fantasy world so technologically advanced and so much more “realistic” than Dungeons & Dragons could ever hope to be. This virtual world is called “Second Life” and is much more than just a game.

Second Life is a place on the net where people can create a virtual life for themselves. You make up a person includin’ personality and everythin’, then you enter this world called Second Life. You can get a job, create a business, go to parties (or throw one if you wish), do all kinds of things. You can shop and spend Second Life money for virtual clothes, cars, you name it, you can buy it. Or if you name it and it isn't sold by anyone, you can create it and begin sellin’ it. People even buy marketin’ services to help market their wares and services to other people in Second Life.

Anyways, it has continued to grow at a tremendous rate with people even creatin’ multiple avitars (that’s the fancy technical way of sayin’ “characters) that they send around this virtual world doin’ whatever they want that is allowed. There are very stiff rules about what you can and can't do and if you break them, you are kicked out and can't return. They even have an adult section where characters can do and see pretty much anythin’ you can do and see in real life. (No, I haven't been there, just read about it.)

The latest thing is a TV show called Big Brother (a reality show to see who can hold out the longest inside some house where a bunch of people of different types are thrown together) is a’goin to do a virtual version of their show in Second Life. Whoever spends at least 8 hours every day for a month in the Big Brother virtual house without getting’ voted out will win a virtual island of their own. Now, what kind of contest is that? Encouragin’ people to waste 240 hours in order to win an imaginary island! Don’t people have enough respect for themselves to not waste 8 hours a day for a month in a pretend world? Get a real life!

The Effects of Withdrawal

Sorrow of sorrows, I went this here entire World Series without observin’ even a minute of any game. I know, I hang my head in shame. But, at least I am man enough to admit it.

Now, I don’t watch much TV and when I do, it is usually the news. (Even though there isn’t much to report on in Dogpatch.) Sometimes, I watch some sports but not near as much as I did in the past. The sports has (gasp) fallen in priority with family and church responsibilities. That said, there are three particular sportin’ events I really enjoy a’watchin’. These are the World Series, college bowl games, and March Madness. They are only on during short, concentrated periods of time and so I figure I am being fairly realistic by limitin’ my moments of sports fanaticism to these relatively small moments.

So, when I miss the ENTIRE World Series, my body goes into convulsions and I find it hard to breathe correctly. Ok, so it isn’t that bad, I admit it. This one did hurt particularly bad, though. I was really pullin’ for the Cards (for Mammy, I’ll say Red Birds) and to not even see them play, I may never be the same. Please pray for a quick recovery – or at least a recovery.