Deal, Or No Deal?

My momma always told me, “If’n ya cain’t say nuthin’ nice ‘bout someone, don’t be sayin’ nuthin’ atall.” Well, Momma, I’m sorry but I just have to speak up about this one.

As a marketer, I am quick to notice an exceptional ad or great customer service or, on the other side, an ineffective commercial or sales strategy. So, it should come as no surprise that I might write about a poor customer service experience I recently had. The surprisin’ thing to me is the offendin’ party – Amazon.com. Perhaps you’ve heard of them? The largest bookseller in the world and one of the Internet’s most powerful and successful companies.

One would think that to be so successful, they would offer the epitome of great service. Well, according to my sources, they started out that way. Then, somebody got too big fer their britches and decided to start makin’ decisions that only considered the immediate bottom line – anythin’ to save a dollar and look more brilliant to the thousands of shareholders.

Me and the missus was a’shoppin fer a new printer (Ok, she was doin’ most of the shoppin but I was foldin clothes and followin’ along.) Anyways, she finds this great deal on a printer we had already decided to purchase and low and behold, it was from Amazon.com. To top it off, there’s a deal sayin’ if we get the new Amazon.com VISA, we can get an additional $30 credit. Now, anytime someone waves that kind of cash in front of Mammy, they better let go right quick else she’ll tear their arm out of the socket from her jerkin’ it away fast as lighnin’. Her fingers fairly scorched the mouse button she was a’clickin’ so swiftly.

Once all the clickin’ was done, it appeared that somethin’ was just not right. While we had been approved for the new card, it wasn’t offered as a possible method of payment. So, we rang up Customer Service and were promptly put on hold for 40 minutes. It was late, nerves were frazzled, we thought it better to hang up and try again in the mornin’.

Mammy got things going early to avoid the rush. The problem was, the person on the other line was a’talkin’ with such a heavy accent, clear communication was purt near impossible. Talk to Amazon, talk to the credit card company, talk to Amazon – nothin’ was workin’. I was thinking we should have made a video conference call with subtitles so everybody could understand one another. Finally canceled the card and just placed the order with a card we already had.

I wrote Amazon an e-mail to express my displeasure about the long wait time and the foreign voice on the other end of the line and received the followin’ response:

“I'm sorry to hear that you had an unsatisfactory experience when you called us previously. Since our customers come from all over the world, it's helpful for us to have customer service centers in a variety of time zones throughout the world--so that someone is always available when a customer needs help.

Amazon.com currently has customer service centers in North America, Ireland, Germany, India, the Philippines, and Japan. In the United States specifically, we operate customer service centers in North Dakota, West Virginia, and Washington state. We also have co-
sourcing arrangements with companies located in North America, India, and the Philippines.”
No real answer to either of our concerns. If they have customer service centers in the US, then why did we get a very foreign voice each time we called? All to save a buck today at the expense of future sales. Tsk tsk. They may have made a deal this time but next time, for me, it’s No Deal.

Get a Real Life!

When I was a youngun, I got myself involved in the world of Dungeons & Dragons. I know, please don’t think bad of me, I’ve since seen the light and repented. J The reason I quit a’playin’ was because I began to see how caught up in this fantasy world a person could become and how it could influence the thinkin’ of those that played on a reglar basis. I don’t think there was anythin’ inherently wrong with the game, just that it allowed people to get lost, so to speak.

Today, there exists a fantasy world so technologically advanced and so much more “realistic” than Dungeons & Dragons could ever hope to be. This virtual world is called “Second Life” and is much more than just a game.

Second Life is a place on the net where people can create a virtual life for themselves. You make up a person includin’ personality and everythin’, then you enter this world called Second Life. You can get a job, create a business, go to parties (or throw one if you wish), do all kinds of things. You can shop and spend Second Life money for virtual clothes, cars, you name it, you can buy it. Or if you name it and it isn't sold by anyone, you can create it and begin sellin’ it. People even buy marketin’ services to help market their wares and services to other people in Second Life.

Anyways, it has continued to grow at a tremendous rate with people even creatin’ multiple avitars (that’s the fancy technical way of sayin’ “characters) that they send around this virtual world doin’ whatever they want that is allowed. There are very stiff rules about what you can and can't do and if you break them, you are kicked out and can't return. They even have an adult section where characters can do and see pretty much anythin’ you can do and see in real life. (No, I haven't been there, just read about it.)

The latest thing is a TV show called Big Brother (a reality show to see who can hold out the longest inside some house where a bunch of people of different types are thrown together) is a’goin to do a virtual version of their show in Second Life. Whoever spends at least 8 hours every day for a month in the Big Brother virtual house without getting’ voted out will win a virtual island of their own. Now, what kind of contest is that? Encouragin’ people to waste 240 hours in order to win an imaginary island! Don’t people have enough respect for themselves to not waste 8 hours a day for a month in a pretend world? Get a real life!

The Effects of Withdrawal

Sorrow of sorrows, I went this here entire World Series without observin’ even a minute of any game. I know, I hang my head in shame. But, at least I am man enough to admit it.

Now, I don’t watch much TV and when I do, it is usually the news. (Even though there isn’t much to report on in Dogpatch.) Sometimes, I watch some sports but not near as much as I did in the past. The sports has (gasp) fallen in priority with family and church responsibilities. That said, there are three particular sportin’ events I really enjoy a’watchin’. These are the World Series, college bowl games, and March Madness. They are only on during short, concentrated periods of time and so I figure I am being fairly realistic by limitin’ my moments of sports fanaticism to these relatively small moments.

So, when I miss the ENTIRE World Series, my body goes into convulsions and I find it hard to breathe correctly. Ok, so it isn’t that bad, I admit it. This one did hurt particularly bad, though. I was really pullin’ for the Cards (for Mammy, I’ll say Red Birds) and to not even see them play, I may never be the same. Please pray for a quick recovery – or at least a recovery.

Ode to Popeye

Such simple joy. Pure enthusiasm. All for the sake of a Thomas The Tank toy or a Curious George movie. If only I could bottle it up an’ sell in on the street corner – a person could make a fortune. And no pretenses. No disguisin’ or veilin’ ourselves to meet others’ approval. As adults, we have become deft at deception – fittin’ ourselves into the little molds created by our perception of others perceptions. Notice any irony in that?

A book I am currently a’readin’, “Primal Leadership”, skillfully promotes that it behooves us to become more transparent to others. To stop buildin’ facades and walls of mirrors around ourselves. In reality, what they are a’talkin’ about is true integrity. We live by principles and by so doin’, have no need for the smoke and mirrors acts in which we so commonly engage.

The worst thing about writin’ this diatribe is that I am probably more guilty of this that any reader that happens by. It’s like the scam artist that got all upset at the guy who led him on for weeks as if he was a’fallin’ for the scam only to turn the tables on him. You wasted all my precious time you *&%$#**@! Now, if only I could take my own advice and be able to say like Popeye, “I yam what I yam.”

Shopping in the Oooohhh Zone

Well, strap me down to an ant hill and cover me with honey – I done fell victim again. Now, what has me all riled up, you say? Shoppin’. Shoppin’ with a gaggle of females.

Last Saturday, whilst I was unawares (they must have drugged me or somethin’), somehow I found myself wandering around the local mall with Mammy and three of the younguns. “Oooooh, isn’t this so cuuuute?” “Sweeeet!” “How cute!” “Isn’t this pretty?” “Cuuuuute!” “Don’t you wish you had one of these?” And so it went, on and on for over 30 minutes. In an’ out through the maze touchin’ and handlin’, ooohhing and aaahhhing, pointin’ and agrabbin’, showin’ and mincin’. On top of that, there were a dozen other gigglin’, gapin’ females adding to the chorus of ooohhs and aaaahhhs.

Must escape. Must have air, my mind screamed frantically. Must get out before my masculinity implodes, overwhelmed by the oppressive amount of female giddiness. Finally I made it out, walked around a little to clear my senses then ducked my head and re-entered the Ooooohhh Zone, only to be nearly thrown into a tailspin by returning too quickly. Finally, I managed to shepherd my lot out of that dangerous environment and on to safer stores we went.

Finally, we ended up in Pennys. Mammy quickly found some clothes she wanted to try on, as did one of the older girls. That left yours truly with the two younguns. Not that I minded that – they can be a passel of fun. The problem was, they wanted to find and ride the escalators and the elevator. So off we went. Up and down the escalators we went, people wondering if we done got ourselves lost or something. Kind of like the lab mice that have always found the cheese in the maze in exactly the same place all the time and now suddenly someone moved the cheese and they can’t find anything.

After that little bit of embarrassment, we ended up walking into a store decorated for Halloween, only to find it to be an “alternative” store with strange body piercing jewelry, incense, racy clothing, gothic paraphenelia, and a multi-tatooed, nose and tongue-pierced, pink highlighted haired clerk. I immediately figured out we were in the wrong kind of store and proceeded to devise and execute an exit strategy.

Next came the trip on the elevators. I don’t know if’n your younguns do this but mine like to jump up and down through the whole ride, then giggle as their stomachs give a little lurch at the end. Thoughts of country hicks that seldom make it to “the city” were reflected in eyes of passersby as the youngest let out with “Can we do it again?”

It was then back to more ooohhhhs and aahhhss in the girls clothing section, only to be followed by cries of despair and anguish as one daughter lamented that since we wouldn’t buy her anything that day, it means we never buy her anything, period. Blubbering all the way to the car, grinding on my nerves – I reflected “Now, why do I do this?”

Take Me Out to the Ballgame

Or not. Recently, I had the portunity to be a spectator at a semi-pro baseball type game. Here in Dogpatch, them’s the big times. Anyways, at the end of the game, the players from the winnin’ team (this would be the home team on this occasion) all congregated (word of the day) in the middle of the infield a’givin’ each other high-fives, etc.

Now, I’m not complainin’ bout people a-celebratin’ when there’s a victry. But, what happened to the good ole sportsmanship practice of high-fivin’ the other team and sayin’ “Good game”? This ritual of congratulatin’ yerselves only has been goin’ for some time in major league baseball and I don’t cotton much to it. These are supposed to be our children’s heroes. How are our kids supposed to learn about good sportsmanship when their idols don’t demonstrate a lick of it? It’s just plain ole good manners to say somethin’ kindly to the opposin’ team when yer done. I guess it says something bout the state of our country when the national pastime has lost any sense of the good it used to be.

Can't We All Just Get Along?

I recently read an article posted on KSL's web site about the state of Utah having the highest birthrate in the nation. Well, duh! And they drew the conclusion that part of the reason can be tied to the LDS Church. Another big duh!!!! Since when is any of this newsworthy? On the web site, a person can add comments to a story. This one had over two hundred! People screaming about how stupid it is for Mormons to always have big families and making the rest of the population support those kids through taxes etc. Then, of course you have the heated rebuttals and back and forth they go.

First, LDS people tend to have a very different view of children and their worth in a family unit. We also believe that God made the world with sufficient resources to sustain all His children that need to come to the earth. I am sick of people telling me how big of a family I should have. I don't try to tell them they should have more kids.

Second, while I don't have a problem with people posting a rebuttal, the least they could do is use kindness and empathy (read - understand their point of view) and stop calling names and acting like their opinion is the only one that matters. Of all the people on the earth, we have a greater responsibility to act Christ-like in all we do.