Saturday, May 13, 2006

Plum Tired Out

Let’s see if’n I got this right. You buy a tire that they call a 60,000 mile tire. Now I’s a thinking this means I can drive close to 60,000 miles on em before they give out. However, after 20,000 miles, they show more wear than Abner’s britches and I go talk to the tire dealer. They say I didn’t buy the extended warranty so they won’t replace them but they’ll be pleased to sell me some new ones at a really good deal. Now, says I, didn’t I do that the last time?

I ask if the tire isn’t warranted for 60,000 miles. “Oh, that’s just a rating system the tire manufacturers use.” What in the world do they use it for?! To tell them when to go to the bathroom?! So, how does a poor country fella like me figure out what tires are the best deal? There’s also another rating that is supposed to indicate if the tire is recommended for your particular vehicle. So, apparently, if you multiply the two together, subtract 1498, divide by two, pick your nose twice, (eeewwww that's gross!) add 28, then divide by 46, you will be able to ascertain that those tires won’t last as long as you think unless you buy the extended warranty. After all that, I was just plum tired out. (Ok, bad pun but it fits.) You know that's the way they want it because then you'll listen to their speil and buy the tires they want you to. I think it's a worldwide conspiracy connected to the secret child of Hillary Clinton and both Sigfreid and Roy (or maybe their tiger) who is plotting with alien penguins at the South Pole and will probably take over the world by melting all the ice bergs.